Amor Fati

Love of one's fate.

I completed my Bachelor of Engineering degree in 2013 with a major in Electronics and Communication. It’s been a decade since then, now I’m looking back at these years to see how my wisdom, diligence, joy, and courage have evolved and how the curve has changed with every passing year. I hope to grow from my mistakes and avoid making the same ones twice. Though I still make the same old blunders, I’d say I’m just more aware of them.

Self reflection

I have changed considerably over the years and I have become more self-aware plus less emotionally bound, but I can identify that my essential characteristics like “Curiosity”, “Not giving up”, and “Self-belief” have remained largely unchanged.

The following yearly reviews are subjective because it only represents my point of view.

10 years review

Hard times create strong men. Strong men create good times. Good times create weak men. Weak men creates hard times.

The statement resonates deeply with me because it describes how going through hardships has shown a side of myself that I had never seen before. Every experience in my life has caused a little but cumulative shift in who I am.

My friend, Harshil, quoted once(not his) - “Mehnat aur Rehmat bhai bhai, par mehnat bada bhai!”(Effort and Luck are brothers, but Effort is elder among two!). With this idea firmly in my mind, I have worked hard, day in and day out, for a very long time because effort is in my control.

Luck, for me, is the meeting of effort and opportunity; it is something beyond one’s control but has an effect on the outcome, and it has played an equal role in my achievements.

Rather than actively seeking or generating opportunities, I found that I am most successful when opportunities present themselves to me unexpectedly.

Furthermore, choices and actions are equally deterministic with regard to the outcome. I am a direct result of the choices I make and the acts I do, and these actions ultimately create a balance between effort and luck in my life. By analyzing the outcome, I am able to determine whether it was influenced by the effort or the luck.

luck vs efforts — Daniel Kahneman - Thinking fast and slow

I want to thank me for believing in me, I want to thank me for doing all this hard work. I wanna thank me for never quitting.^**

That said, my efforts and luck has compounded on Mummy and Papa’s constant encouragement and backing, Mamaji’s gift, my friend Anuj’s golden words and my wife’s “Enjoy the Moment” attitude and belief in me. These are some guiding forces, known to me, that significantly impacted these years.^**

Throughout my life, I’ve been told to “Slow Down,” “Talk Less,” “Don’t Laugh Out Loud,” or “Don’t Get Excited,” and I’ve honestly thought about them and attempted to change myself. As a result, I lost the authentic ME. The truth is that everybody has some advice for me, but it is up to me to accept which aspect of my characteristics I am open to receiving feedback on.

My ability to burst out laughing or become enthusiastic about a small piece of technology is part of Who I Am. I’ve developed an awareness of my traits, which helps me avoid engaging in behaviors that undermine my authenticity.

I learn by observation instead of by prediction. Also, I prefer to solve problems rather than discover them.

Curiosity is my strongest trait; it drives me to do things that occasionally amaze me. I use it to make and break things, and I’ve been curious since my childhood.

Also, I have recognized some traits that need improvement and working diligently to change - my constant battle with impatience, delayed gratifications, and stress from emotions. In retrospect, I see that not every decision I have made was the ideal one and I occasionally have blocked my growth. After reading Thinking Fast and Slow, I can readily see that I frequently think with my fast brain, which can bypass my slow brain, and as a result, I succumb to my vulnerabilities. I’m developing routines to engage my slow brain, which is more sensible in dealing with my weaknessess.

Wisdom

In my teenage years and early twenties, I mistrusted my parents and twisted things my ways to get what I wanted. I have realised that they are the only constant force in my life.

My father used to tell me that when I got a job, I’d learn how to spend money wisely. He also still tells me that everything is fine as long as it’s done in moderation. I used to ignore these wise words, but they were a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Owning a car without a permanent parking place, even if I require it, does not seem wise today, whereas forcing my parents to change the family car so that I could have a brag-worthy car while going to college was the need of the hour during my college days.

In my journey, I have encountered both role models and anti-role models, and I am aware that I should focus my energy and time on the role models in my life. My initial technique was simply duplicate the role model qualities without reflection, but I gradually developed an alternate approach that allows me to take only the part of the trait that is useful to me.

With all the wisdom I acquire from books I read, people and things that I observe, I still don’t know much and definetly will not know either till the EOL. I am a life long learner and just want to stay curious!

Joy

It has taken me a significant time to recover from the depression; one of the reasons for this could be that I ignored it all this while because I was unaware of it or, more likely because it was easy to feel sorry for myself. After all, I felt like I had no other choice. To escape from there, I shut all the doors. I made sure that I did not get close to anyone; I did not talk about what I was feeling.

Fixing depression was not a one-time job as it can evolve into a new form, constant introspection and repeated small steps in my daily and weekly schedule have helped me to keep it under control.

For a long time, I anchored my satisfaction on my accomplishments and materialistic goods, such as switching to a company of my choice, moving to the next level, or purchasing the latest technology. This excited me just until I didn’t have them, but once I did, I wasn’t sure how to be joyful. I realized it was a never-ending loop, and I needed to separate the joy of living from the occurrence of events, which also meant detaching myself from the outcome. I can remind myself of this, yet I still get concerned about the results.

During the lockdown, I was able to spend some quality time with my family and friends, which helped me rekindle my relationships. My friends Karanvinder, Lovish, and Harshil have my back and are there for me. Our friendship has evolved into family over the years.

All my time away from home, I am fortunate to be able to make friends with new people. I could quickly settle in a new place because of the individuals, I knew there or because I was able to make friends. Without the wonderful friends I have made in Hyderabad and Bengaluru, memorable office parties, after-work tea, or Saturday brewery hoping would not have been possible. They have made me forget that I am 2200 kilometers away from my family.

Courage

Back in 2013, I was unable to take part in college placement drives because my CGPA did not meet the criteria, and during my first few months of employment, I did not receive much attention from recruiters for the same reason. These refusals have primed my mind that I have nothing to lose in the interview, as I consider what could be worse: failing it or not getting a chance at all. I enjoy appearing for them with the simple goal of going as far as possible in the loop.

I do not have a loss aversion or a risk aversion when it comes to the outcome of interviews.

Over the years, I may have participated in over 200 interview loops and received 50+ offers, including from a few top-tier businesses in India, for a total of 600 to 700 individual interviews.

I enjoy my work because it allows me to put my curious mind and creative energy to good use.

I have separated my love for the work I do, from my love for the company, to continue doing what I love for a long time. My title at work has remained the same i.e., Software Engineer(2) but my role has changed with every company switch. For many years, I have been performing at the next level; it is only a matter of time before it will be reflected in my role. I think that career growth comes as you compound your domain and business knowledge with time in the company, while these two are important, the major role is played by the factor that how blessed you are by the management directly above you. Even if I have developed a keen self-awareness of what I can offer, I do not expect this to match the belief that others hold about me!

Next 10 years of ME+

Initially, I thought about life with “All or nothing” mindset and my emotions have reflected the same. I have become a little more flexible now which has brought many new opportunities in my career and personal life. I have kept knocking on the doors in the hope of getting through one, my perseverance has bought me where I am today.

I’ve come a long way, from not knowing Software engineering jargon to acing System Design interviews, from insomnia to comfortable sleep every day, from being aimless to defining goals for the next 10 years, 5 years, 1 year, and 6 months, from 0 interview to 1000 interviews, from a brat to neverending and constant learner.

After doing some soul-searching, I’ve refocused my ME+ for the next ten years.

I am working for my dream company, and I hope to advance there while maintaining a healthy work-life balance. Specifically, I’ll be exploring topics related to self-improvement, productivity, fitness, and financial planning. In addition, I’d like to begin a blog on these topics.

As a mechanism, I have set up ME+ goals and writing a review at the end of each year is one of them, and to satisfy my curiosity of writting one later this year, I have reviewed my last 10 years because I do not want to wait for another phase of “Hard Times” to get stronger and better.

Credits

All my ❤️ to my kid sister Kriti and my wife DPT who have constantly reviewed this write-up and suggested me improvements in the narrative.